I think I'll just watch re-runs of The Gilmore Girls. I need to clarify that this post is not the rantings of a jaded Utah Jazz fan, because I know the Jazz layed an egg against the Lakers, but since the "All-Star"...scratch that..."Most Popular Players Game," all we seemed to hear was how exciting it would be to see a Lakers/Celtics finals match-up. I really have to thank the league for whisking us back to 1987. Really this has been a dream of mine ever since I was a kid. Oh how I have wanted to see the Lakers and the Celtics play again for the championship. I cannot wait to watch Kobe square up against "The Big Three"...oh I get the goosebumps just thinking about how freaking awesome it is that these storied teams are right back where they need...no wait...deserve to be. So here is to the next five years of watching Kevin Garnett thump his chest, Ray Allen mug for the cover of S.I., Paul Pierce and Kobe Bryant duke it out to see who can pop their jersey more often, seeing that fugly tat on Luke Walton's pasty white arm, Phil Jackson sitting smugly on the bench, Doc Rivers wondering how the hell he got so lucky to have this team land in his lap (you suck Doc, and you know it...I can run down a dozen coaches who are better than you are, Jerry, Flip, Byron, Donny, either of the Van Gundy boys...catch my drift Doc?)
So thank you Mr. Stern for creating a finals that people are actually going to care about. Since we have been magically travelled through time, let me share with everyone what happened in your office at the culmination of last years finals...
Stern: "Well Gentlemen, it looks like nobody really wanted to see Timmy take on our favorite child Lebron...I just don't get it. What do these fans want. I don't hear the chants of 'I Love This Game!' peeling from the arenas anymore. Gosh darnit!"
Some A-Hole: "I hear ya commish, it was a really boring series. Maybe we can get Tim Donaghy and the boys to..."
Stern: "Quiet you! Donaghy was nicked remember? But I do like where your head is at...the others, yes the others....my beloved NBA officials...My Precious."
Another DB: "Uh, Dave...you're doing it again...."
Stern: "AHHHH, I needs it, we wants it...the Lakerses and Celticeseseses...think of the moneyeses, the paradeses...make the call, make it happen."
Some other MoFo: "So it is written, so let it be done."
Your Author: " I think I'm gonna barf."