Of Pine Trees and Taxi Cabs

So last year, I was in Madison, Wisconsin for business and upon unpacking in my hotel room, I realized that I had forgotten my deodorant. No problem, I thought, I'll just swing by a store and pick one up. No big deal. So I was off to visit a school and do a little logistical planning.

I came up to a small local grocer and figured that I might as well grab it while I was thinking of it. $1.53??? OK, I'll bite. So off I went back to Middleton to grab some dinner at what was to become one of my favorite dining establishments, Quaker Steak & Lube. (If you have one near, count your blessings.)

About a week or so ago, I was running late to work running from the shower to the bedroom to change, I grabbed this stick of deodorant. After applying liberally, Iwent to give my loving wife a hug and kiss goodbye. As I gave her a peck on the forehead, I could hear her sniffing my shirt. I looked at her and asked what she was doing. She had a look on her face that screamed repulsion. It was like I smeared a dead skunk all over me for crap's sake. She simply asked, "What the freak deodorant did you put on this morning?" That green one I bou..." she then cut me off and said stiffling a sneeze, "You smell like a freaking New York Taxi-Cab..." I stood there, arms still outstretched at a loss for words.

Seriously dear, it took you 5 months to tell me this??? So to all my co-workers/friends/family, I apologize sincerely for subjecting you to that.

Now that will be $55.00.

Taser, Taser, Taser

So a couple of weeks ago, I got back into the office from lunch when I see a group of my coworkers watching a video. It was a video of a ton of people getting tasered. Honestly, it is horrific and it looks like it hurts like hell, but who doesn't like to see peopl get sizzled? So I poked my head in and watched the carnage unfurl. A couple of people into it, I saw a familiar face anxiously waiting for the pain to ensue. There he was, my uncle getting shot in the back with 1.21 Gigawatts...well not really, but I couldn't resist. I emailed him that I saw the video and that I appreciated the video. He replied with a few simple words..."Let me know when you want to do it, and I'll arrange it." Enjoy!

I Love The Daily Show

I Have to thank Conroy for this awesome video. I got some serious food poisoning on Tuesday night and my Wednesday was well...awful. I salute you for passing along this video, and needless to say, it brightened up my day a little...well actually a whole lot. Hippies!!!

Are You *BLEEP*ing Kidding Me?

Ok, so I was filling up my car with gas the other night, and the mood caught me right that I needed a nice cold beverage. It was about 9:30 and I went in and got myself a nice 32 oz. Dr. Pepper/Coca~Cola mix, or as I call it 'Black Gold.' Anywho, there is a middle-aged woman ahead of me buying a small drink and a pack of gum. The cashier beep-beeped it and the total was $1.83. Meanwhile, here I am sip-sipping my delicious beverage...you don't want to have your drink to be half gone by the time you leave! Am I right? So this lady proceeds to pull out her check book.................................................................................. Umm.......................really? Are you serious? I knew she wasn't buying gas, or anything else for that matter, just a small drink and a pack of Juicy Fruit.

So she begins to fill out the check, and I swear she must have been writing in hieroglyphics, because no normal person takes 3 minutes to write a damn check! I just sat there like a deer in the headlights...straw in mouth, but nothing going. Was I really seeing this? Surely this can't be happening. A check for $1.83. I just wanted to shoot myself. So I thought I would make the best of the situation and walked back to the soda fountain and topped off my drink with a little Pepsi. Now that I was rocking the "Holy Trinity," all would be ok. Nope, crazy lady began to balance her checkbook at the register. Was I invisible? I just inched my way to the register, uttered those magical words, "New cup,"..."$1.06."...kaching! I'm out. The lady was still balancing her checkbook when I left.

Ok, I understand the need for a checkbook, and at times, it is the best way to pay for things. But to buy a small drink and a 5-piece Juicy Fruit? Are you *BLEEP*ing Kidding Me?

It's called a Debit Card...

"Check" into it!

Oh Hell No!

So I jumped on the old internet this evening to check my email, MySpace, Facebook and YouTube and a few other selected sites before I dove into cleaning the dishes. So I enjoyed watching the Jazz kick the living piss out of the "Pesky Timberwolves" last night and show that it was a fluke that Minnesota beat them a week ago. So I thought surely the NBA should have a couple highlights from the game on their daily Top 10...but then I realized that we are living in the age of Lebron...good grief. I am not taking anything away from the guy, he a talent and then some, but do the networks have to show every little thing he does? I swear I saw it on Sportscenter where they had highlights of Lebron tying his shoes...all I have to say is WTF is up with that? Wow, I know I threw a WTF in there, but I have a lot of venom right now that I need to spew.

Breaking News!!! Tonights Number 1 play of the day, Lebron is introduced in the starting lineup! or...Lebron James attempts a bluedart driving to the hoop...I say huh?! C'mon, show me something else besides Lebron abusing some poor sap who makes it on Sportscenter only when he guards Lebron...{click} New Poster, hey sweet, right up there on the wall with my 1 billion other Lebron posters. Can't I get a Mark Madsen poster anywhere? C'mon people, he at least has thechampionship hardware, and can we forget his wicked dance moves at the Laker (ugh) rally parade? White men can jump, but no dancy for Mr. Madsen.

So anyways, I'm watching the top 10 plays, and all of a sudden a Hardee's ad pops up, on the actual video!!!!! Yet again...WTF??!??!?? Since when are my YouTube vids inundated with ads? Is nothin sacred anymore?

Damn The Man!

Anything else?

Moving On...

So now that my coworkers have all read about me winning our fantasy football league, I can get back to reality. It is Sunday afternoon and I just sat down with one of my favorite beverages ever...I poured a little out for you J Double B.

There have been so many things that have happened during the past few weeks, and I have been lazy in posting them. Some were pretty funny things have happened, and I've seen some cool shows.

One thing that has been occupying my time, is the countless Utah Jazz games that have been on. I love leaving work knowing that I am going to be sitting down watching a Jazz game. I just gotta say a couple things. D-Will vs. CP3...seriously? Just watch the clip I post next, and D-Will pwned Paul in New Orleans last night in th skillzz competition. I know it isn't that big of a deal, but the national media loves to pit these guys against each other, and D-Will coming out on top. So Hot Rod, still think the Jazz shoulda taken CP3?

Stay tuned...