The Lord of the Ring...an Epic Tale

Forward - (written by Scott D.) The following is a tale of one man's journey throughout the 2007 Fantasy Football Season. 14 Teams, 15 Managers, 4 Departments, One Ring.

Chapter One:

He awoke with a start to the sound of the ship being torn apart by the raging seas. No sooner had he cleared his head, than his body was hit by the crushing water now filling the lower levels of the H.M.S. Pirancon. Swirling darkness encircled him as he struggled to hold onto the last breath he had. The salt stung his eyes and burned at the gaping lacerations on his arms and legs..."This is how my world ends," he thought. "Not with a bang, but a whimper..." and the waterworld around him faded into a dark haze.

He opened his eyes to see himself floating on the water's surface, and before he knew it, the surf threw him into the shallow sands of a beautiful beach. "How did I get here?" he said outloud, half expecting someone to answer him. Emerging from the murky water, the man took in his surroundings. The beach was beautiful and strecthed as far as the eye could see.

Off in the distance he saw what looked like a man walking towards him. Shaking the water out of his ears, and emptying the sand from his pockets, he slowly made his way towards the man approaching him.

"Who are ye, and wha bizness do ye hav here?" the man yelled. "Where ye come from and what be yer name?" "My ship sank and I washed up onto these shores," said the castaway. "And before I tell you anything else, tell me where I am and who you are."

Startled, the man looked more intently at this man who came from the sea and said in a whisper, "I be Captain Brown, Steve if you will, and this here be the isle of TSG. Dis be a bad place, and if ye know what is bes' fer ya, you won' go wanderin' too far from dis 'ere beach. Something wicked is brewin' in the forests and mountains...a stir of creatures and man alike. Sumthin' be stirrin' the life of this place into a right fine mess. If ya don' mind me tellin' ya, this place will kill ya if you not careful...it makes the mind go places that..."

The sentence trailed off and the old man fell to his knees with a vacant expression on his face. The castaway watched as the light faded from his eyes and then fell forward. There they were, a slew of arrows sticking out the man's back. Some unseen enemy had ended this man's life, and they were out there right now looking at him. From the darkness of the trees, the man heard a battle cry, and suddenly, the forest sprung to life with strangely clothed people.

Four medieval looking people stood before him with weapons raised ready to strike. The man stood frozen with shock. The leader lowered his axe and walked cautiously over to the man and asked, "How do you know this man? What have you been talking about with him?"

"Honestly, I have no freaking idea who this guy is and why you killed him. My ship sank and..." the brute cut him off and said, "What did he tell you?" The castaway looked puzzled and muttered, "He didn't tell me jack-sh..." "He didn't mention anything about the prize?"

The castaway shook his head in frustration and simply said, "No." The leader of this troupe sauntered back to his friends and whispered amongst themselves for what seemed to be an eternity. In unison they began to laugh and soon the huddle had broken up. Once again, the leader walked over to the castaway with an outstrectched hand and laughed, "Pardon our rude behavior. My name is Conroy, and these traveling with me are the ARB Rejects. We would like you to accompany us on our quest to find the prize. Won't you join us?"

The castaway thought for a moment and recalled what the old man had said about this place being dangerous, and that this was an occasion where there would be strength in numbers. "Yes, I thank you for the offer, and I would enjoy the pleasure of traveling with your formidable ARB crew." The leader of the ARB group smiled and casually asked, "and what may I call you?" The castaway looked over each member of the ARB crew and without looking at Conroy said, "My friends call me Duellie."

'Well Duellie, then let me welcome you to the ARB Rejects. Come, we go to the castle this evening for dinner and entertainment." As they walked through the trees, Duellie realized that he was indeed hungry, and he had the sudden craving for a Regular Roast Beef Sandwich, Curly Fries and a Jamocha shake.

Next Chapter: WTF?

2007...Later

Well, I have procrastinated enough, and plus it is half-time where my beloved Jazz are beating the Phoenix Suns. Enjoy this moment my boy, the 3rd quarter is next. Well 2007 has come and gone, and to tell you the truth, I am kinda glad 2007 is over. It was a good year, but it kicked the living piss out of me. I traveled so much this past year, I wouldn't care if I didn't board another plane for while. From Washington State to Pennsylvania, I have been all over the place. The memories...maybe this picture can help sum it up...

While I Am At It...

Three blind mice,

Three blind mice,

See how they run,

See how they run!

They all ran after the farmer's wife

She cut off their tails with a carving knife

Did you ever see such a sight in your life

As three blind mice?

I love nursery rhymes. I was doing a little Christmas Shopping today (yes I capitalized the whole thing. It is like its own holiday...I don't know how many people bail out on work in the middle of the day to go shopping, but that is another post.) So I passe this company called The House of Blinds. The logo of this company is a blind mouse, and it got me to singing. As I thought about it, I wondered, isn't this a song we teach our yungins to sing in rounds? What a twisted song...Once again, if Marilyn Manson could only sing it. Would that be a song that you would want to use as a lullaby? A tale of three rabid vermin chasing after a psycho woman who is noted for cutting things off that she shouldn't? I think we could have a little fun with this. Bring it up to the 21st Century... I see it now, and here is the new title, "3 Varmints & The Crazy Lady"...movie right have been sold.

Have You Ever Thought About It?

You better watch out

You better not cry

Better not pout I'm telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town

He's making a list And checking it twice;

Gonna find out Who's naughty and nice

Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you're sleeping

He knows when you're awake

He knows if you've been bad or good

So be good for goodness sake!

O! You better watch out!

You better not cry

Better not pout I'm telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town

So I was heading into work the other day when this song came on the radio. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Christmas. It is my favorite time of the year. I love the snow, the family parties, the lights, and even the music. This song really intrigues me though. The tune is what makes this song. Can you imagine Marilyn Manson screaming his own rendition of this song onto a disc? That would be a perfect song. I mean seriously, would that not be the most terrifying song in the world? I mean you could do some serious damage people...I daresay irreversible damage. If it got some play on the radio and the kids heard it...man, Santa would slowly vanish into a world of obscurity and fear. I actually found the album online of some Marilyn Manson Christmas songs...I think I'll buy it. If you want a copy, shoot me an email, and I'll have you send me your soul. Happy Holidays!!!

Tuesday Triple Play

Well the time has come once again for me to sit down and review the past week...or two. About a week before Halloween I headed up to our neighborhood Blockbuster to see what they had out that I hadn't seen. To my surprise, there was one copy of 1408 that was available to be checked out. I couldn't believe it, I was lucky enough to grab the last one before the guy behind me snatched it up. In your face random guy. I hope you enjoy Herbie Fully Loaded.

I was really excied to see this show, as I love Samuel L. Jackson and worship John Cusack (If you have seen One Crazy Summer or Better Off Dead, you understand what I am saying.) The show starts out with John Cusack going around debunking local Urban Legends and ghost stories. It is all pretty tame until he gets a mysterious note from a hotel telling him to not go into Room 1408. Ok, the whole thing sounds hokey and the previews made it look like the jump-out-of-your-seat-with-a-load-in-your-pants type of movie with all the things jumping out from behind John, but this movie goes far below that...this movie appeals to your darkest fears and gets inside your head. Really an awesome show with one F'd up room. This room will eat you up, chew you to much and crap you all out only to have it happen again...over and over. What a wicked show this was, and the acting was really awesome. I gained a new level of respect for John Cusack and his versatility as an actoe. If you haven't seen this movie, what the Hell is the matter with you? Go get it right now and watch it. I have to give 1408 3.5 Bawls and the 7th Level of Hell.

This moves me to the next movie that I saw and about a week ago. I stopped in at Blockbuster yet again, and saw a whole mess of movies that I wanted to rent, but knowing that my taste in movies isn't really shared by those around me...(I'll never understand that, but whatever,) I was convinced by my sister to watch Deja Vu while she my wife and I ate dinner. I knew what the movie was about, and to be honest, I didn't really want to see ths flick because any serious movie that incorporates time travel in it makes me want to pass. Anyways I caved, grabbed myself a footlong Spicy Italian Subway Sandwich and Cold Bevarage, and sank into the sofa not really expecting much.

I love Denzel, and actually liked the story of this movie. The thing that unnerves me is any movie that deals with terrorism in any way...I don't know if it is because of 9/11, or the fact that I lived in the Middle East and witnessed terrorism first hand...I don't know, but it always unsettles me. Basically, Denzel plays and ATF agent who is called in to help with the investigation of a terrorist bombing of a ferry that kills a couple hundred men, women and children...it is pretty gruesome the depiction of it. Hmm, but the story is pretty cool and really unique in how they go about the investigation. The whole car chase while looking into the past is pretty freaking awesome.

All in all, this was not as bad as I thought it was going to be, and maybe it is just how I am wired intellectually that time travel movies just seem to leave too many questions unanswered, But again, better than I thought it would be and I left fairly satisfied. I have to give Deja Vu 2.5 Bawls and a Shot of Reality.

And now onto a film that I just watched on Sunday evening. A film that I was amped to see when I first heard about it. It is a sequel to an unbelievably wicked film that came out a couple of years ago. The first film 28 Days Later was a complete shocker to me in the sense that it was a fairly small budgeted movie and that the things they pulled off in it were nothing short of spectacular, so when I heard about 28 Weeks Later, I knew I had to partake.

Once again, the film takes place in England, where 28 have transpired since the virus has literally decimated Great Britain. The thing I love about these shows, is that it takes a new spin on zombies...they aren't the mindless, slow-ass zombies that people have gotten so used to...even the newer Land of the Dead(ish) shows have broken away from that ancient idea. Good on them I say. The virus turns regular people into super angry, blood-thirsty maniacs, and man are they scarier than shirt. Once again, they manage to pull of a London that appears to be completely void of life and make the whole movie just creepy as hell with the mood. This movie is uber-gory and really graphic in some spots...I mean about as raw as you can get without sinking into the mess of Saw and Hostel...uggh. I hate mindless torture, goregasm flicks...anyways, this movie has its share of burning bodies, headshots with high-caliber guns, and even one wicked scene involving about 2 dozen Rage-a-holics and one helicopter...to channel Ice Cube and Chris Tucker from Friday, "Daayuumn!" So if I may make a recommendation, watch both 28 Days and 28 Weeks. Two awesome films. I have to give 28 Weeks Later 3.75 Bawls and an exploding head.

Return to Hellview

Well, here I a once again sitting at my home office desk writing a press release that has been a curse of mine for about 5 days. I finally get a chance to work on it, and it is due tomorrow morning. Unreal how it is for the same client as I was working on in an earlier post...imagine that! Well, I would have worked on it earlier tonight, but the Monday Night Football game was too good to pass up. Brett Favre...kudos to you. The I had to do a little video project which had me go to my parents' house to film some video for a church project. So there is my video camera downloading video to the computer, my press release up on the screen waiting to be finished, a tall glass of Diet Dr. Pepper, the camera case, a couple choice CDs for my listening pleasure and my notebook with all my awesome notes. I hate myself for doing this once again. Wow, here it is 12:41 am and it is only Tuesday morning. It is going to be a long week boys. Damn it!

A little random fun...

You Are An ENFJ

The Giver You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed. Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections. Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down. You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine. In love, you are very protective and supporting. However, you do need to "feel special" - and it's quite easy for you to get jealous. At work, you are a natural leader. You can help people discover their greatest potential. You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist. How you see yourself: Trusting, idealistic, and expressive When other people don't get you, they see you as: Bossy, inappropriate, and loud

What's Your Personality Type?