Are You *BLEEP*ing Kidding Me?

Ok, so I was filling up my car with gas the other night, and the mood caught me right that I needed a nice cold beverage. It was about 9:30 and I went in and got myself a nice 32 oz. Dr. Pepper/Coca~Cola mix, or as I call it 'Black Gold.' Anywho, there is a middle-aged woman ahead of me buying a small drink and a pack of gum. The cashier beep-beeped it and the total was $1.83. Meanwhile, here I am sip-sipping my delicious beverage...you don't want to have your drink to be half gone by the time you leave! Am I right? So this lady proceeds to pull out her check book.................................................................................. Umm.......................really? Are you serious? I knew she wasn't buying gas, or anything else for that matter, just a small drink and a pack of Juicy Fruit.

So she begins to fill out the check, and I swear she must have been writing in hieroglyphics, because no normal person takes 3 minutes to write a damn check! I just sat there like a deer in the headlights...straw in mouth, but nothing going. Was I really seeing this? Surely this can't be happening. A check for $1.83. I just wanted to shoot myself. So I thought I would make the best of the situation and walked back to the soda fountain and topped off my drink with a little Pepsi. Now that I was rocking the "Holy Trinity," all would be ok. Nope, crazy lady began to balance her checkbook at the register. Was I invisible? I just inched my way to the register, uttered those magical words, "New cup,"..."$1.06."...kaching! I'm out. The lady was still balancing her checkbook when I left.

Ok, I understand the need for a checkbook, and at times, it is the best way to pay for things. But to buy a small drink and a 5-piece Juicy Fruit? Are you *BLEEP*ing Kidding Me?

It's called a Debit Card...

"Check" into it!

Oh Hell No!

So I jumped on the old internet this evening to check my email, MySpace, Facebook and YouTube and a few other selected sites before I dove into cleaning the dishes. So I enjoyed watching the Jazz kick the living piss out of the "Pesky Timberwolves" last night and show that it was a fluke that Minnesota beat them a week ago. So I thought surely the NBA should have a couple highlights from the game on their daily Top 10...but then I realized that we are living in the age of Lebron...good grief. I am not taking anything away from the guy, he a talent and then some, but do the networks have to show every little thing he does? I swear I saw it on Sportscenter where they had highlights of Lebron tying his shoes...all I have to say is WTF is up with that? Wow, I know I threw a WTF in there, but I have a lot of venom right now that I need to spew.

Breaking News!!! Tonights Number 1 play of the day, Lebron is introduced in the starting lineup! or...Lebron James attempts a bluedart driving to the hoop...I say huh?! C'mon, show me something else besides Lebron abusing some poor sap who makes it on Sportscenter only when he guards Lebron...{click} New Poster, hey sweet, right up there on the wall with my 1 billion other Lebron posters. Can't I get a Mark Madsen poster anywhere? C'mon people, he at least has thechampionship hardware, and can we forget his wicked dance moves at the Laker (ugh) rally parade? White men can jump, but no dancy for Mr. Madsen.

So anyways, I'm watching the top 10 plays, and all of a sudden a Hardee's ad pops up, on the actual video!!!!! Yet again...WTF??!??!?? Since when are my YouTube vids inundated with ads? Is nothin sacred anymore?

Damn The Man!

Anything else?

Moving On...

So now that my coworkers have all read about me winning our fantasy football league, I can get back to reality. It is Sunday afternoon and I just sat down with one of my favorite beverages ever...I poured a little out for you J Double B.

There have been so many things that have happened during the past few weeks, and I have been lazy in posting them. Some were pretty funny things have happened, and I've seen some cool shows.

One thing that has been occupying my time, is the countless Utah Jazz games that have been on. I love leaving work knowing that I am going to be sitting down watching a Jazz game. I just gotta say a couple things. D-Will vs. CP3...seriously? Just watch the clip I post next, and D-Will pwned Paul in New Orleans last night in th skillzz competition. I know it isn't that big of a deal, but the national media loves to pit these guys against each other, and D-Will coming out on top. So Hot Rod, still think the Jazz shoulda taken CP3?

Stay tuned...

WTF?

Indeed...so to be perfectly honest, I had this huge elaborate story that I wanted to write about, but in the past week(s) I have just wanted to move forward. So basically, the place where I work, a communications firm in Salt Lake (inside joke to all you PR people out there,) held a fanstasy football competition. The story was to be this...that I was magically wisked away to a magical land where a storm was gathering and races from across the lands where converging on a magical relic. Kind of an Amazing Race type of thing...only killing was allowed. I was to face formidable foes like the "Pretender to the Throne," Schwe of Bach, the ever elusive Na"Tron",

and other crazy creatures in my quest for the ultimate prize. There were to be 13 obstacles that stood in my way. Each obstacle represented somebody that I worked with. So in allm, there were 14 teams in this fantasy football league. 14 teams! There were a couple of us that bemoaned this fact due to the free-agents that would be left should you lose someone on your roster. Say McNabb goes down. Well, I look to see who I could replace him with and my best option would be John Beck on the freaking dolphins (I don't respect that team enough to even capitalize them, so HA!!) So back to the 14 team deal...so it was tough, but we all managed to survive.

After fighting through opponents like them, two ladies who sit next to me, and beat me in the early weeks (they didn't let me forget BTW,) and other hardcore fantasy footbal diehards. It was pretty disheartening some Mondays and Tuesdays when the point totals came in and the office was full of serious smacktalk until the next week where hopefully your team would win and not be prone to ridicule from the 7 other people whose teams won. Inner-office emails would be the bane of everyone's existence for about 13 weeks. And Mr. Lambnation's weekly scoreboard emails would only reopen old wounds.

Mr.Lamb, we all thank you. So anyways, my story was to be one full of mystery, betrayal and intrigue. A little humor was to be thrown around every now and then. Sometimes, I feel like I am too impatient for my own good. After sitting on this past entry for so long, there were things that I would notice during the day that I would think, "That would make an awesome blog entry, but alas...I need to finish that damn post!" So I really do just want to wrap this up. Each person who had a role in this story, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You did truly inspire me, and for that I need to pass a little love your way. I selected a picture for each of you that I thought best represented your team name and how you dealt with things throughout the season. As it is, we the winners thank you, and the losers rue the day you started those mass emails. Anyone who enjoys a cold bev. is ok in my book tho-

The cast of characters follows:

Ultimate Awesomeness = William Freaking Shatner. Mr. Howe, you embody everything that is cool, and I thought a little Shatner love would suit you just fine.

For Marc (aka Bonecrushers,) I thought this picture suited him best because of mean-spirited (but masked as jokingly nice smack.) (Psst, BYU Still sucks Marc.)

For Mr. Lima The Dark Bludgers...could I do anything less?

Helen, the Democratic Dynamo...I am sorry, and a little scared.

Walt, "TheMoneyman," let me hit you with a little old school Final Fantasy III or VI (depending on what side of the ocean you are from,) Knowledge...Kefka. Enough said.

Now the Saginaw Spirit...you had us all fooled. We didn't know who you were for weeks. You didn't even respond to the countless emails, and yet you kept on winning. We soon uncovered your guise, and kept on losing to you.

And now that just leaves us one last participant. A man who would come in a mess your team up just enough to lose once or twice. He was the poison of the league. He finished dead last but had four wins under his belt. Four wins that translated into four losses for others that very well could have determined the outcome, and for that I thank you Mr. Woodsie.

So now the last chapter can be written, you have met all the players, and seen their masks removed. Duellie, crawling amongst the tattered remains of his final foe, once his closest friend and ally, The ARB Rejects, looked towards the "Summit" where a faint light shimmered in the darkness. The rocks tore at his flesh, and the smoke-filled air burned his lungs, but he knew that he must reach this light or perish beneath the blackened sky like those who lay behind him.

A small ledge welcomed our weary traveler, and he paused to look out across this strange land that had been ripped apart by the coveting of this one prize...this one treasure...the one ring. Gathering his strength the best he could, our hero continued upwards on the slopes of the seemingly endless ruin of the mountain he now climbed. Bruised, battered, betrayed and thirsty (always needing a cold beverage,) he cursed the day he had been summoned to the strange land Athletically Challenged. Why did it torment him so to be here? Why were somedays so much better than others? And then he saw it...sitting there on a smooth slab of granite. The One Ring that had eluded thousands, perhaps millions before him, and now it was his for the taking...finally, the treasure that so many coveted, fought for and dare I say...killed for was here for him to take...and it is mine. My Precious.

The Lord of the Ring...an Epic Tale

Forward - (written by Scott D.) The following is a tale of one man's journey throughout the 2007 Fantasy Football Season. 14 Teams, 15 Managers, 4 Departments, One Ring.

Chapter One:

He awoke with a start to the sound of the ship being torn apart by the raging seas. No sooner had he cleared his head, than his body was hit by the crushing water now filling the lower levels of the H.M.S. Pirancon. Swirling darkness encircled him as he struggled to hold onto the last breath he had. The salt stung his eyes and burned at the gaping lacerations on his arms and legs..."This is how my world ends," he thought. "Not with a bang, but a whimper..." and the waterworld around him faded into a dark haze.

He opened his eyes to see himself floating on the water's surface, and before he knew it, the surf threw him into the shallow sands of a beautiful beach. "How did I get here?" he said outloud, half expecting someone to answer him. Emerging from the murky water, the man took in his surroundings. The beach was beautiful and strecthed as far as the eye could see.

Off in the distance he saw what looked like a man walking towards him. Shaking the water out of his ears, and emptying the sand from his pockets, he slowly made his way towards the man approaching him.

"Who are ye, and wha bizness do ye hav here?" the man yelled. "Where ye come from and what be yer name?" "My ship sank and I washed up onto these shores," said the castaway. "And before I tell you anything else, tell me where I am and who you are."

Startled, the man looked more intently at this man who came from the sea and said in a whisper, "I be Captain Brown, Steve if you will, and this here be the isle of TSG. Dis be a bad place, and if ye know what is bes' fer ya, you won' go wanderin' too far from dis 'ere beach. Something wicked is brewin' in the forests and mountains...a stir of creatures and man alike. Sumthin' be stirrin' the life of this place into a right fine mess. If ya don' mind me tellin' ya, this place will kill ya if you not careful...it makes the mind go places that..."

The sentence trailed off and the old man fell to his knees with a vacant expression on his face. The castaway watched as the light faded from his eyes and then fell forward. There they were, a slew of arrows sticking out the man's back. Some unseen enemy had ended this man's life, and they were out there right now looking at him. From the darkness of the trees, the man heard a battle cry, and suddenly, the forest sprung to life with strangely clothed people.

Four medieval looking people stood before him with weapons raised ready to strike. The man stood frozen with shock. The leader lowered his axe and walked cautiously over to the man and asked, "How do you know this man? What have you been talking about with him?"

"Honestly, I have no freaking idea who this guy is and why you killed him. My ship sank and..." the brute cut him off and said, "What did he tell you?" The castaway looked puzzled and muttered, "He didn't tell me jack-sh..." "He didn't mention anything about the prize?"

The castaway shook his head in frustration and simply said, "No." The leader of this troupe sauntered back to his friends and whispered amongst themselves for what seemed to be an eternity. In unison they began to laugh and soon the huddle had broken up. Once again, the leader walked over to the castaway with an outstrectched hand and laughed, "Pardon our rude behavior. My name is Conroy, and these traveling with me are the ARB Rejects. We would like you to accompany us on our quest to find the prize. Won't you join us?"

The castaway thought for a moment and recalled what the old man had said about this place being dangerous, and that this was an occasion where there would be strength in numbers. "Yes, I thank you for the offer, and I would enjoy the pleasure of traveling with your formidable ARB crew." The leader of the ARB group smiled and casually asked, "and what may I call you?" The castaway looked over each member of the ARB crew and without looking at Conroy said, "My friends call me Duellie."

'Well Duellie, then let me welcome you to the ARB Rejects. Come, we go to the castle this evening for dinner and entertainment." As they walked through the trees, Duellie realized that he was indeed hungry, and he had the sudden craving for a Regular Roast Beef Sandwich, Curly Fries and a Jamocha shake.

Next Chapter: WTF?

2007...Later

Well, I have procrastinated enough, and plus it is half-time where my beloved Jazz are beating the Phoenix Suns. Enjoy this moment my boy, the 3rd quarter is next. Well 2007 has come and gone, and to tell you the truth, I am kinda glad 2007 is over. It was a good year, but it kicked the living piss out of me. I traveled so much this past year, I wouldn't care if I didn't board another plane for while. From Washington State to Pennsylvania, I have been all over the place. The memories...maybe this picture can help sum it up...