Friday, July 27, 2007

Tribute

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. "'Tis some visiter," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door -- Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December, And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor. Eagerly I wished the morrow; -- vainly I had tried to borrow From my books surcease of sorrow -- sorrow for the lost Lenore -- For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore -- Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain Thrilled me -- filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating "'Tis some visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door -- Some late visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door; -- This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer, "Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping, And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, That I scarce was sure I heard you " -- here I opened wide the door; ---- Darkness there and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before; But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token, And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore!" This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!" -- Merely this, and nothing more.

Then into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning, Soon I heard again a tapping somewhat louder than before. "Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice; Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -- Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;-- 'Tis the wind and nothing more!"

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore; Not the least obeisance made he; not an instant stopped or stayed he; But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -- Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -- Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore, "Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven, Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore -- Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!" Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly, Though its answer little meaning -- little relevancy bore; For we cannot help agreeing that no sublunary being Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -- Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door, With such name as "Nevermore."

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour. Nothing further then he uttered -- not a feather then he fluttered -- Till I scarcely more than muttered "Other friends have flown before -- On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before." Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

Wondering at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken, "Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster Followed fast and followed faster so when Hope he would adjure -- Stern Despair returned, instead of the sweet Hope he dared adjure -- That sad answer, "Never -- nevermore."

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling, Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door; Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -- What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core; This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er, But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er, She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer Swung by Angels whose faint foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor. "Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee -- by these angels he hath sent thee Respite -- respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore; Let me quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!" Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! -- prophet still, if bird or devil! -- Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore, Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -- On this home by Horror haunted -- tell me truly, I implore -- Is there -- is there balm in Gilead? -- tell me -- tell me, I implore!" Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil -- prophet still, if bird or devil! By that Heaven that bends above us -- by that God we both adore -- Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn, It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore -- Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore." Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting -- "Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore! Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! Leave my loneliness unbroken! -- quit the bust above my door! Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!" Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door; And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon that is dreaming, And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor; And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor Shall be lifted -- nevermore!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Health, Work & Hell


I am sitting here at my computer typing away on a mother-hugging press release for one of my clients...I wasn't able to get to it today, and like a jackass, I brought it home with hopes to do it tonight. When I get home, I don't want to write a damned release. I want to hang out with my family. I find myself asking the question, "What the Hell am I doing?" 2007 has got to be the absolute shittiest work year of my life. From 1/3/07 until now, my work life has been absolutely non-stop. I am so damn tired and burned out. I just got back from a vacation in Hawaii, and it didn't help calm me down at all. Once I got back in the office, all I has was more work to do and it was piling up everyday.


I still have this damn cough that I cannot get rid of...it is the same cough that I got back in January...after a million different drugs, I still can't shake it. It has absolutely crippled me...literally. I coughed so hard, I blew my stomach open and had to in for surgery to have it taken care of. The thing that pisses me off the most is that I couldn't take any time off to rest and recover from my battle with Bronchitis, flew and Laryngitis. I just fought through it, and it landing me in the O.R. Thats just f'ing great!! The cough is starting to hurt my side, and I am worried that I am going to give myself another hernia. My teenage insomnia has returned, so I am getting roughly 3 hours of sleep a night, and it is killing me. All I do is worry now about work and whether I can keep doing it at the pace I'm going. I have been busting my ass for 7 months now, and I'm tired. I'm so burned out and I feel like what has made me successful in the past is no longer a part of me. I am just a shadow of what I used to be. I'm not fun, happy...myself anymore. I am just a shell of the old me. Work has just annialated me and my spirit. Every morning, I wake up and dread the day...I just want to sleep and get better. I never have understood the power that stress and no sleep can have over a person. I feel like I am in a deathgrip, with the life slowly being squeezed from me.


It is the depressing time like this that make me so mad and go back to the dark times. Dark thoughts fill my mind, and I hate everything around me. Don't worry, I'm not running for the razorblades, but the world just seems to be closing around me, and I can't breath. Everyday, I fight back the tears and bile that rises in my stomach. Is this what an ulcer feels like? Is this what a heart attack feels like? With every passing second, I feel like I am on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. Sometimes I can feel my heartbeat inside my head, and I think I am going to pop. Anxiety attacks are common-place now, and I think everyone is out to ensue I fail at everything I do. Time is my enemy in that there just isn't enough of the damn thing in the day to get everything accomplished. This isn't a call for help, just a blank page for me to rant and gnash my teeth.


This is what Hell must be...sitting here in front of my computer at 1:00 am, literally dying inside while my wife and son sleep. I will wake up in a few hours and go into work with a feeling of impending doom surrounding me all day long. My eyes are heavy, and all I want to do is sleep...I could sleep for a week straight...if I had the time. One day soon, I think I am going to have a nervous breakdown, and lose myself. Work has changed me...it has scarred me...ruined me mentally and physically. At times when I finish a project, I should be happy and excited to move on to the next project...but I can'tfeel that satisfaction anymore.


As I sat in my rental car in Madison, Wisconsin last month at the culmination of the biggest PR campaign I have ever done, and one of the biggest stressors ever in my life, what should have been a time to kick it and celebrate that the beast was dead, I sat all alone at an intersection with storm clouds brewing around me...crying...sobbing really that my life was in the state that I was in...not Wisconsin...but a state of complete sorrow, sadness and solitude.
Now here I am putting off work so I could post a quick entry on my killer blog.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Sure Enough

So after about an hour trying to retrieve the other photos of the "UFO" out of my deleted messages on the old phone, I found them. I don't know the name of the lady who took my picture and was in this photo, but I found it nontheless. With this, you can see the fins on the back, and the actual size compared to a fully-grown person. I have another photo, but I'm not going to post it.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

The X-Files (Salt Lake Episode)


Seeing as I really don't write in my journal anymore, I might as well write an entry on here. Maybe I'll just print off this page and paste it in the old journal. So anyways, yesterday was about one of the craziest days I've ever had. I didn't get much sleep the night before and I was coastin' on fumes even at 6:30 in the morning. I just had to stop in and get myself a Diet Rockstar to help me get going. I was driving west on I-80 when I saw one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. There, floating about 100 feet off the ground was this shiny silver tube. It was just hovering there. It wasn't moving at all, and I had to do about a 20-take while driving at 70 mph. I've never been one to give much thought to UFOs and aliens, but after seeing that thing, I really started to question myself.
I got into the office and I started to hear the buzz about the a UFO flying around the city. I knew I wasn't crazy...well at least not certifiable (yet.) I stood there in one of the conference rooms watching this huge ass blimp-like thing maneuver ever so carefully around the federal building. That was a little sketchy...this mysterious airship making circles around the fed bldg. Hmm. Anyway, this ship moved with such precise movement, that it looked almost fake. It would turn at a right angle, and then stop on a dime. So robitc, it was a little creepy. We couldn't see how it was being propelled, though we looked as best we could. One of my co-workers, "Craiger" calledone of the local new stations, and he said they acted like he was truly certifiable. Who laughed last Craiger? You my friend. It almost touched down on 200 South for a moment, then it lifted straight in the air and flew over our 24-floor building. About a dozen of us ran over to the other side to watch where it went. It slowly began to descend and soon vanished behind a parking garage. After the suspense nearly killed me, I ran to the elevator togo investigate. Naturally, there were five people in there with me and they all were stopping on floors before the lobby. (Damn Murphy's Law.) As I rounded the corner, there it was. This massive silver zeppelin sitting there. This other lady and I struck up a conversation, and she said tat she had seen it too and had the same WTF thoughts I did. I asked her to take a picture of me with it to show the boys in the office what it was. The lady I was with said she would stay with it until the guy who owned it came to pick it up. I got back showed a couple people the picture and we all had a good laugh.
Towards the end of the day, Gadd told me to send the picture into KUTV because they had all these pictures of the blimp flying around, but none like the silly one I took. So I thought why not. So I sent it in, and last night, I saw my picture in the paper and my name all over the internet. All from a little picture I took on my ancient cell phone. A reporter from the SL Trib called me last night to ask me about the day's events. So funny. Now that I think of it, I think I have some other photos that I thought I erased that I sent to that lady...stay tuned.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

YAWN...



Holy Crap...I haven't even watched one minute of the 2007 NBA FINALS, and I'm about to fall asleep writing about the series. I just have to throw a little rant out there for you all to snack on...it is 12:42 am right now, and I am struggling to write a press release for one of my clients. Super-Awesome stuff, but so much to do in so little time. I did travel to Madison, Wisconsin last week and I had the chance to visit the University of Wisconsin's campus. Freakin' wicked campus. I even stopped in to see the brothers at Sigma Chi. Well, I should get back to my work...go Badgers!








Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Okay...okay



Well, my Jazz are now out of the playoffs. Good run fellas, good run...well until the San Antonio Series. Good Hell. I'm a little distraught over how things turned out..oh well, its all good, the Jazz are young, and they'll be the terrors of the NBA next year...Ah next year, my favorite saying with my favorite teams (see left.) I have a vast array of 4 AFC Championship rings, 2 Western Conference Champion banners and one National League Championship Ring. The eternal Red Ribbon Winner...jeez. Wait, there is always next year!!! Oh, and bytheway....................................... these guys are still Assclowns.